Having a miscarriage or pregnancy loss can be a painful and traumatic experience for a woman. The life that you were growing inside you, the dreams you had for the child once it was born, all wiped away in an instant. But apparently that’s not how everyone feels in that moment.
“I’m relieved I had a miscarriage.” a woman wrote on Reddit after miscarrying her child. “Never have I wanted kids. Never have I liked them- even as a kid I didn’t understand people my own age. They annoyed me. Playing pretend seemed pointless. The idea of playing with dolls (or worse a baby born) was horrifying to little me.” She said her husband felt the same way, although for different reasons. But life doesn’t always turn out as planned.
Once you learn more about her background, you can understand why she doesn’t want kids. According to the post, as a child, her parents divorced, her mother was never home, her father worked all the time, and she essentially became the parent to her younger sister and mentally ill older sister. ” I cooked, cleaned, medicated and helped with homework. I made the appointments, sought help to obtain groceries and did everything I could to protect them both from the truth of that time.” she wrote in the post.
When it comes to her parents, she says she is resentful, but they have no idea. Her parents don’t realize that the reason she doesn’t want kids is because of the way she was brought up as a child.
Fast forward to present day, even though she didn’t want kids, she also knew that it might not even be possible. As the story goes on, the woman reveals her struggle with a number of severe health issues stemming from her reproductive system. “there was always a part of me that appreciated that “the chances of falling pregnant naturally was little to none”.” she said, realizing that the risk of developing pregnancy complications was extremely high.
Once she married her husband, she said they weren’t always safe when it came to sex. She didn’t even realize she was pregnant actually, saying ” I don’t always have a cycle and from testing completed I rarely ovulate, so I think I convinced myself it wasn’t a big deal. But due to all of this i also keep a decent stash of pregnancy tests on hand for when its been a little too long since my last period.” Once she finally took a pregnancy test, she realized what was going on – she was three weeks pregnant.
The woman ended with a bang, describing her feeling of finding out she was pregnant. “I took a test anyway and low and behold, it read at three-ish weeks. To say I fainted immediately would not be an exaggeration. Coming to I felt shock, fear and absolutely disgusting. Disgusted at the thing inside of me.” She went on, describing the feeling once she realized she had miscarried “Continued testing showed levels coming down and tests now read negative. I’m not entirely heartless, I feel for the little lost soul, I even had a little cry. Though stronger than any sadness or regret is relief. A spirit lifting, year made relief. I can’t convince myself that this wasn’t the best outcome for all.”
The post received mixed reactions. One user wrote “I’m a mother. I’m a pregnant mother. And I find nothing of what you said makes you a horrible person.” Another chimed in “There’s no shame, people abort all the time. I understand why you feel bad but you truly don’t need to. Wishing you the best <3”
Others tried to offer some advice: “It’s ok to feel the way you do, but please use contraception. You said yourself that you are not always safe. Don’t put your body, your mind and potentially a child into torment just because you don’t feel like having safe sex.” one said.
The group was largely supportive, telling the post that it’s her body, and she is free how to feel how she wants. Want advice would you give the poster? Is it okay for her to feel this way? Let us know in the comments!